‘Just one woman helping another woman — because I can’

By Carolyn Lesemann-Happy

YOU COULD SAY IT ALL STARTED WITH RUBY* — a young mom who, in the middle of a cold Northeastern winter, was sleeping in her car with her children, including a baby. But really, my desire to help other women began long before I met Ruby. It’s a value I picked up from my mom.

I grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan during the 1970s. My parents and sisters and I were comfortable, but it was a hard time for many people in the city. The stories my mother told me about the financial strains that single moms can face made a particularly big impression on me. When you’re a kid, a handful of words can take root in your mind and linger. And this is still what keeps me awake at night — how the system is not made to help women and children.

The power of women working together for change

When my own daughter, Eleanor, was in elementary school in Battery Park City, I became involved with the Parent Teachers Association, eventually helping to organize marches on City Hall to protest school overcrowding, and I began to see for myself the power of working with other women to bring about change.

Many years later, my family and I were living in our home in Bethlehem, Connecticut, during the pandemic, and I joined volunteer efforts to combat food shortages in the area. Through one program, social workers were identifying women-led households whose children were no longer receiving two free meals a day in school because learning was being conducted remotely. My church paired with another parish to raise money to pay a local chef to prepare meals, which we delivered to those families throughout the winter.

A woman at my church — Ruby’s voice teacher — heard what we were doing to help struggling single moms and their kids, and she took me to meet Ruby. When Ruby told me her story, I immediately knew I wanted to help. A member of the Army Reserves, Ruby had lost the two jobs she’d had as a security guard during the pandemic, and she and her children were evicted from the home she’d been renting.

Ruby eventually got temporary housing, and I checked in on her periodically, helping out by bringing her groceries, clothing and diapers. But, as I got to know her better, I felt there was more I should do. She was so loving, patient and calm with her children despite her circumstances, and we both knew that temporary housing was not a safe place for them. I had visions of airlifting them out of where they were to somewhere safe, and I began to think about purchasing a home for them.

“I have to get Ruby out of this situation.”

Ruby and I had known each other for about two years when my husband, Ray, started making plans for retiring from his fundraising firm. His retirement meant that we’d be coming into some extra money, and a lightbulb went off. I started thinking that I might now be in a position to do more than simply volunteer my time and money to organizations that help women in need. “I have to get Ruby out of this situation,” I thought. “These children are doomed if they don’t live in a safe, clean, warm, dry place.”

For help in determining the best way forward, I spoke with Tom Hutchison, our wealth management advisor at Merrill. He had recently bought a condo for a woman and her three small children, whom he and his wife had met at a homeless shelter. “Carolyn,” he told me, “this is a great idea.”

That gave me the fuel I needed to talk to my husband, and he came on board with the idea of buying a home for Ruby to live in. Neither of us wanted this to be treated as an investment property — that wasn’t our motivation. So, with Tom’s advice, I established a limited liability company (LLC) called Walk the Walk to help track expenses and protect our assets. The house is owned by the LLC, and Ruby and her kids now have a safe, clean, healthy place to live for as long as they need it. They even have a piano, which I purchased so that Ruby can continue her musical interests.

Since they’ve been in the house, Ruby has had good things happen both personally and professionally. She got married this year to a long-time partner, and on the career front she has been promoted to sergeant. I have fantasies about how I’ll sell the house to her one day for a dollar, but I don’t know if she and her new husband will end up living in the area. Right now, I pay a lot of the bills, and the two of them help by taking care of some of the house repairs.

An important lesson for my daughter

As satisfying as it was for me to be able to help Ruby, it was wonderful to see how excited Eleanor, now 23, was about my plan. She’s always cared about justice and fairness, and we’ve talked a lot about the financial challenges women can go through. I feel I’ve passed along an important lesson from my childhood to my daughter: Don’t be frightened of those who are in a difficult place. Think about them compassionately.

My message for other women

My takeaway from the whole experience — and what I hope other women will learn from my story — is this: If you can see yourself as part of something bigger, you will be brave and take steps you might not ordinarily take. Your money can be so powerful. It’s like voting, but on steroids. What I did for Ruby was just one woman helping another woman, because I can — and it’s how we should all treat each other.

Carolyn Lesemann-Happy and her husband Ray live in Bethlehem, Connecticut, where she is a senior warden at Christ Episcopal Church and is involved with the local community organization, Caring for Bethlehem.Their daughter Eleanor recently moved to Paris where she is working toward her master’s in French history and literature.

*Name changed to protect her privacy.